Because It's Motha Fuckin Friday

It's the weekend again and I am alone. During the week, there are plenty of people calling me, asking me to do things, and wanting me around. But why, when the weekend comes does everyone dissapear? Why has it taken me so long to figure out? The people they want to be around are unavailable during the week - as I should be. It stresses me out working 40+ hours a week, while taking time to give a person a ride here, walk a dog there, and meet someone here & there. While I think to myself during the week, I will work out after work every night, I will eat healthy, I will watch this show...I get home and its another story. On a weekday, someone always needs me to help them with something, and not even just after work, most of the time during work hours, and I say yes - when I should say no - because then I end up multi-tasking and working 40+ hours a week, juggling it all and I believe I am making friends and helping people. But then, Friday comes - I am excited. Time to do whatever I want with the people I multi-task for during the week!!! WRONG. I never see those people during the weekend. I spend that time alone. And most of the time broke, because I have spent my time and resources on people during the week and not myself...so there is no money for me to take myself out, no energy to want to go out, no energy to even want to because I am deflated and flabergasted every Friday that the people I have lost sleep over, spent too much money on, and overall jeopardized my career for want nothing to do with me on the weekends. The moral of the story is the problem lies in me. I am tired of hearing that. What happens to those manipulative people who know they are doing this to me and know I have no choice but to get up and keep working those 40+ hours a week and have no life of my own after they take all they can from me during the week? Nothing happens to them - they have a great weekend with the people they really care about (and that dont really care about them) and then they come crawling back to me. Knowing I havent met anyone over the weekend because I have been too busy being sad and broke and I wont during the week because I have work and chores and sleep to get. At some point, I grew up, and those around me my age never did. I lost my true friends to new families of their own. I even lost my family to new families of their own. It's hard to meet people when you are in my situation. The new families are a unit of their own and dont exactly encourage a single girl to join them all the time aka the third wheel is never welcome. That's hard when it is your mom or sister you have now become the third wheel to. I am in between so many things, but too old to be in between anything. I've tried very hard lately to be satisfied with what I have now and to be comfortable in my place in life. I am a realist. We are only here once and I dont believe in heaven and I dont believe in GOD. I believe we are just mammals, organisms, atoms, and in the scheme of the universe, we as individuals, really mean nothing. I do wonder why the universe created consciousness, because only consciousness allows suffering? Obviously I am suffering from loneliness, abandonment, and grief. But I guess that I just part of the mutations that allowed humans to be what we are today, the evolution of emotions are really what built the life we know today. And I guess if you think of it in terms of evolution, I have been left behind because I am not the best partner to mate with, the best companion to survive the mutations with, and certainly I have genes that do not need to be passed onto the next generation. With that same statement I can condradict myself and to quote the error message in Microsoft excel "circular reference", I will say that maybe I am doing my part in this circle of life. I am doing the work and passing my earnings off to others who are more fit to reproduce in this ridiculous world we live in. They will pass on the genes of living off of others and taking all they can get until nothing is left - I suppose that is what is supposed to happen if the world and universe as we know it will someday implode on itself.